27th Mar 2023, 1:17 AM

Clear the boss room

. . .

You're panicking. You don't know why.

You shouldn't be. You've done this before.


"...Fuck the left-right split," you conclude. "Go high, I'll go low. I'll try to drain him so the lightning doesn't hit as hard, and I'll call out when he's about to--"

Big, explosive flash of light, followed by pew shrapnel soaring overhead.

"--do that."

"What about the second phase?," Kate asks.

"I'll think about it."

You chuck the toolbox back a few pews so it doesn't get dadcrushed and then you get the fuck to it

The first phase goes well enough.

You drag your fingertips across the surface of Father Warden (it is actual human skin you're touching jesus christ), draining the boss down while building up your power--power you proceed to put into a huge chop that easily drops the lower left chain.

"Get back!" You leap back, hurdling over pews to escape the blast radius. Kate likewise dips back, the two of you barely clearing what... definitely looks like a weaker explosion than you remember.

There's some brief banter about the melting point of flesh as Kate discovers she can (and sort of needs to) (and may already have been, subconsciously) boost the temperature of her fire, but otherwise...

Father Warden first phase, done.

You get the lower left, middle left and lower right chains; Kate gets the middle right, upper right and upper left chains. It's not as quick or clean as your last fight with the wall, but you'll take it.

...It's when the face is sucked away and you're left with the hole that the panic begins to return. You did in fact think about it, and you're still not real sure how to approach the second phase.

You try to keep your distance, and throw chunks of broken pews into the maw--

but the weird, inconsistent nature of the... the, uh, the suck combined with the erratic, almost random god damn bolts of lightning now firing from the loose chains make it hard to get a piece of debris into the hole in the first place, nevermind nailing the boss's weakpoint with it. Your aim isn't great in a metaphorical vacuum and now it gets to be shit against an actual vacuum

Kate also accidentally confirms your theory about accomplice weight, because even at ~30 feet from the still approaching boss wall Kate's tiny puppet body is having to fly against the current just to stay in place FUCK

She has no projectiles, you have no projectiles. You could break your polearm in half, maybe, and throw part of that--the metal at least won't shatter when struck by lightning like the wood is doing. ...But you shouldn't have to sacrifice your weapon to beat the first boss. You've beaten the first boss already--you should be better than that. Right...?

You could try having Kate set the pew chunks on fire before you throw them, but unless you've missed a mechanic you don't imagine fire would make things lightning-proof.

After a minute of tense silence, accompanied by the low roar of CONSTANT SUCKING and punctuated by occassional thunderbolts, Kate pitches:

"You gotta hit that shriveled heart, right? ...I can hit it."

"With what?," you shout back to her.

"Me," Kate replies.

"I'm not sacrificing the halberd and I'm DAMN sure not sacrificing you," you snap back, before adding "again. You've already died once because of me, and a second time I didn't directly cause but probably could've prevented. Nobody has to die!"

The wall draws nearer. You start to maneuver your way deeper into the sanctuary, toward the back--

but Kate's struggling to fly against the flow. You double back to retrieve her...

"You got any better ideas?!," she finally yells, now gripping a pew for support with her little hands. She continues, "I can do it!"

"I know you can," you huff as you start to reach for her-- "but I don't want to run the rest of this night without you. I can't beat Vainglory by myself, Kate!"

"I can make it back," she says. "I can hit the heart and blow myself back out!"

"Blow me. You're risking too much on--"

. . .

A thin, blue laser beam burns its way through the floor, blasting a small hole in the ceiling of the sanctuary. It only lasts for an instant--barely even a flash of teal before disappearing--and it happens on the other side of the room, but

"The fuck was that?," Kate asks before a perfectly warranted "HEY!"

because you are already grabbing her, and leaping over pews, and getting the fuuuck ooout as while you cannot determine the origin or nature of the lasers you can definitely hear more laser sounds and, sure enough,

"...Holy shit."

You... barely, barely avoid getting hit. Or getting Kate hit.

You're not sure what prompted that. Like, at all.

Kate, wiggling free of your arms as you begin to pull yourself off the floor, is the first to notice: "...Oh, wow. It wasn't the boss doing that, was it?"

You rise...

and realize that, yeah, Father Warden is dead. Poof. Gone. Laser'd to death by beams from below, RIP. Maybe for the best, since-- "THE KEY!," you realize as suddenly and as loudly as possible.

It tumbles.

The big boss key, the one you need to exit the sanctuary at all,

toppling through the air where the boss was, into the giant laser-carved hole that now exists in the floor.

"Shit!" Kate launches, swooping into said hole--

at which point, she stops.

A deep, hearty pause. A lengthy period of just... staring down into the abyss.


"I got the key," she replies. "We should go."

And she is quick to act on that statement, practically tossing you the key as she flies for the big double doors. You chase after, only hazarding the quickest of glances back to the big sanctuary pit before asking, "What'd you see? Kate, what the hell's going on?"


You fumble a bit in your nervousness but soon get the exit open; you and Kate rush out onto the bridge, heading toward the gray garden forest type zone. You only stop to swing back and grab the toolbox before charging back outside.

As you make a run for it, though, noises behind you draw your attention backward.

You begin to notice the satellites suddenly appearing over the building you were just in.

Satellites all pointed at the building you were just in.

Satellites that are still rapidly appearing out of thin air


Average Rating: 5 (2 votes)
Load my Place Save my Place

Will Schrag | Snervalton | Skullrama | John Wood | Tom Axon | David J Wu | Sekwel | Mochi | arbit | Travis Whittaker | Avasraali | Nicolas Arboleya | Trent Brossman | Clotty Cola | TacticOwl | SomeRando | Cyrene DuVent | Swagner | thatbloodypaladin | Opunny | Kat Dixon | Harmony Petersen | ActionKermit | Scott Johnson | Loose Cog | James Nichols | Leafia Barrett

27th Mar 2023, 1:50 AM
I had a lot more to say about animation, how long I've been working toward wanting to do bigger and more challenging animations and how it's only recently (and thanks to y'all) I have a computer that can really start doing things without blowing itself up but I'm also very, very tired

Quick run down:
- I have genetic brain problems that are getting worse
- My family already has it worse and I'm caring for a family member who is fucking losing it
- Just got robbed
- Like the whole apartment was ransacked and trashed
- I didn't have any cash on me to steal, but my sister got held at knifepoint and had $200+ taken
- It takes both of us to cover bills and food so, uh, yeah
- I have zero teeth that are not broken
- That is not a result of the robbery, I was just born with bad teeth in addition to bad brain
- And bad muscular walls I guess
- I have two hernias
- One's around my sternum and mostly just gives me heart burn, no big
- The other is trying to push my intestines into my testicles and tbqh it has been making a lot of progress
- Kinda making it physically uncomfortable to draw
- Or to exist, I can feel my intestines bulging out of my lap
- I can hear them moving sometimes

I'm not going to suggest there's a 100% correlation between me having money and getting pages up as the aforementioned brain problems sometimes just arbitrarily shut me down. I do tend to get more done though, I've noticed, when I am not hungry and not depressed. I'm also starting to kind of actually worry about dying IRL, so I am once again on my knees begging for money. I don't think I'd have gotten this page up tonight without the help I got last month, so, thank you. Even if all you gave me was kind words and emotional support, thank you. It's been a tough week three years or so.

Join the Patreon

Help me with Paypal

Or Venmo

Or Kofi

The big dreamy shot I'm taking is that if I continue to push myself as an artist, and if I continue to escalate the sheer spectacle I can put out, then maybe the content will be more shareable or approachable and I can build a bigger audience, make more money, and drag myself out of Hell. I can't recreate the timing or the overall zeitgeist in which, say, Homestuck got huge but I think a lot of its draw was the animations and general presentation, which is something I can do.
27th Mar 2023, 3:20 AM
If you are amicable to hugs, then I wish you all the hugs. Your always amazing work on comics keeps me coming back for every post no matter how long it takes. I hope the robber gets caught and I hope you get the financial and medical help you need.
27th Mar 2023, 2:22 PM
I've thought a lot about what I could say to you, but, even as much as you've opened up, I feel like I can't offer advice, or even much in the way of encouragement.

I wish I could say it'll all be alright, but I don't know that. Sometimes life sucks, and keeps on sucking for a hell of a lot longer than it's got any right to.

In the end, all I can say is, I wish you the best, and I am grateful to you for your comic.
27th Mar 2023, 7:00 PM
*super ultra mega gently hugs*
28th Mar 2023, 2:12 AM
Welcome back and thanks for the update!

Wish you all the best.
27th Mar 2023, 2:00 AM
lemme know if any of the wording is weird, I've caught three instances so far of me just somehow forgetting to type whole words

weirder than usual, for me, at least
27th Mar 2023, 2:35 AM
Oh my god.

So I came back after a long while yesterday, just in time to catch the hiatus panel. And today an update?

Morgenstern, I feel for you, I really do. I wish that being an awesome person/great Author would mean better luck, because then you wouldn't have to worry about anything.

Just reading about all you have to deal with, the hernias, the teeth, THE ROBBERY, I, uh... I wish I had a magic wand. Take care for yourself, sending you all the virtual hugs I can.
27th Mar 2023, 2:35 AM
Dang, apparantly the satellite head guy can calls on satellite bombardment! I don't want to know what he's fighting against!

Let's just proceed to clear the bride, hopefully out of range of collateral damage, and then take a short break to process this. And hope Vainglory doesn't decide to check it out and catch us off-guard.

Also, slightly worried about the state of the miasmic wound with all that commotion, though we really have no way of checking up on it in this commotion.
27th Mar 2023, 7:04 PM
We still have Nega Plaire to worry about, assuming VG didn't already wreck her.
27th Mar 2023, 5:25 AM
I’m so sorry about all of that. I’m just now starting to drag my family out of the depths of despair. As soon as I can I’ll give some money. You’re wonderful and I hope like hell shit gets easier soon.
27th Mar 2023, 6:53 AM
Oh my stars, welcome back! Sorry to hear about... Well, everything. I really hope your situation improves back at home, financially, medically, etc. and something goes right soon!

Hoy, Plaire! Get across that bridge to the floaty graveyard and find a place to hunker down! You've got this!

*Gives positive energy and vibes to both Plaire and Morgenstern*
27th Mar 2023, 8:38 AM
Welcome back, Morg. Glad to hear you've got some motivation going. I've got car troubles to worry about at the moment, but I might be able to throw something extra your way once I get the more immediate stuff taken care of. As always, take care of yourself first and foremost. "Secure your mask, then help those around you", yeah?

Plaire: Honestly just focus on schmooving right now. Best get the fuck over the bridge at the very least, before that Command & Conquer style space laser goes off. My best guess? Vainglory found Parabolic. I uh... I don't know if we should count on his help in future iterations, unfortunately. I hope he makes it out, I do, but... I have a bad feeling about this.
27th Mar 2023, 10:48 AM

Holy shit. All the hugs if you like hugs.

Let's do what Kate says and skedaddle!

Also more Hope and Courage and Spite for that talisman!
27th Mar 2023, 12:56 PM
Satellites …
27th Mar 2023, 6:58 PM
My first thought, too. Maybe he ended up having to fight Vainglory after all, or at least try to delay her while he gets away.
27th Mar 2023, 3:04 PM
At first, I thought this was aerial bombardment, but you described the lasers piercing the floor, then the ceiling, and stated that Father Warden was killed "by beams from below," so...


In the laser animation we got to see, there were three small lasers originating from one point, before the big-ass laser that probably did in Father Warden. However, the big one didn't originate from the same point. Roughly speaking (and assuming the action is on the plane of the exit doors we could observe), the first three were fired from one hundred eighty feet beneath you, and the fourth came from the same elevation, but one hundred feet south.

Seeing as that one immediately followed the previous laser (literally the very next frame), that means that the source could move about a hundred feet between animation frames, or there's a second source.

Like dawnMachine speculated in his post, I suspect Parabolic and Vainglory are fighting, and Parabolic is summoning laser sats as his artillery.

Okay, on to what you need to do now: Get the hell out of there. In this particular clash of titans, you're collateral damage if you remain anywhere in the vicinity.

And, once you're someplace you assess as safe, Ask Kate what she saw, that brought her to a stop for some seconds before convincing her that the two of you needed to make tracks. Also ask if it (she?) saw her as well.
27th Mar 2023, 9:17 PM
+1 to asking Kate what she saw.
28th Mar 2023, 11:58 AM
I'm gonna be 100% honest, I think you're reading into the positioning of the lasers a bit too much. I don't know if you actually math-ed it out or not, but I don't get the feeling we were meant to be able to infer positioning from them.

(Also, not a he, but I appreciate the backup. :P)
29th Mar 2023, 10:54 AM
+1, and your impromptu trig is better than mine lol.
29th Mar 2023, 4:43 PM
+1 for moving away from the site.
Keep an eye on the satellites above, just in case they track Plaire or Kate.
If not, go back to stealth mode and reduce your stat footprint. Keep agility up until safely away though.
27th Mar 2023, 9:22 PM
On page 189, which was last night in the dungeon, Plaire discovered that there's a treasure chest hidden in an alcove just under the right edge of the starting island in the cemetery. When we arrive there, Kate should fly down into the alcove and use one of our keys to find out what's in the chest.
28th Mar 2023, 11:57 AM
+1 to chest check, provided we're not interrupted.
29th Mar 2023, 10:55 AM
27th Mar 2023, 9:27 PM
Let's investigate the place where Vainglory was making that banging noise in the cemetery last night. She may have left something useful there, or at least Plaire could reclaim her dropped DNR tape if it's still there. At the very least, I'm curious to know what she was doing there. Be on the lookout for any tripwires or traps though, as well as a nega-Plaire!
28th Mar 2023, 2:14 PM
I, um. I got nothing. I'm just gonna channel more vibes and let the more competent members of the Choir sort this out.
29th Mar 2023, 12:39 PM
I've got a jar of hope
But for now, make like jo self and run! Use a Kate rocket if we need to.
28th Mar 2023, 5:00 PM
Ffuuuuuck it's been too long since I've been here. First, Morgen, you have, like, all my sympathy. Wish I had more than that, but... Sorry. :<

Secondly... Uh...Plaire, just ignore that. Our... hrm. The guy in charge of our connection to you on our side is having a rough time.

28th Mar 2023, 6:52 PM
Well Crud. Someone is firing their Lazers. Hopefully helpful seeing as not blasted into bits yet.