27th Mar 2023, 1:17 AM
Clear the boss room
Will Schrag | Snervalton | Skullrama | John Wood | Tom Axon | David J Wu | Sekwel | Mochi | arbit | Travis Whittaker | Avasraali | Nicolas Arboleya | Trent Brossman | Clotty Cola | TacticOwl | SomeRando | Cyrene DuVent | Swagner | thatbloodypaladin | Opunny | Kat Dixon | Harmony Petersen | ActionKermit | Scott Johnson | Loose Cog | James Nichols | Leafia Barrett
You're panicking. You don't know why.
You shouldn't be. You've done this before.
"...Fuck the left-right split," you conclude. "Go high, I'll go low. I'll try to drain him so the lightning doesn't hit as hard, and I'll call out when he's about to--"
Big, explosive flash of light, followed by pew shrapnel soaring overhead.
"What about the second phase?," Kate asks.
"I'll think about it."
You chuck the toolbox back a few pews so it doesn't get dadcrushed and then you get the fuck to it
The first phase goes well enough.
You drag your fingertips across the surface of Father Warden (it is actual human skin you're touching jesus christ), draining the boss down while building up your power--power you proceed to put into a huge chop that easily drops the lower left chain.
"Get back!" You leap back, hurdling over pews to escape the blast radius. Kate likewise dips back, the two of you barely clearing what... definitely looks like a weaker explosion than you remember.
There's some brief banter about the melting point of flesh as Kate discovers she can (and sort of needs to) (and may already have been, subconsciously) boost the temperature of her fire, but otherwise...
Father Warden first phase, done.
You get the lower left, middle left and lower right chains; Kate gets the middle right, upper right and upper left chains. It's not as quick or clean as your last fight with the wall, but you'll take it.
...It's when the face is sucked away and you're left with the hole that the panic begins to return. You did in fact think about it, and you're still not real sure how to approach the second phase.
You try to keep your distance, and throw chunks of broken pews into the maw--
but the weird, inconsistent nature of the... the, uh, the suck combined with the erratic, almost random god damn bolts of lightning now firing from the loose chains make it hard to get a piece of debris into the hole in the first place, nevermind nailing the boss's weakpoint with it. Your aim isn't great in a metaphorical vacuum and now it gets to be shit against an actual vacuum
Kate also accidentally confirms your theory about accomplice weight, because even at ~30 feet from the still approaching boss wall Kate's tiny puppet body is having to fly against the current just to stay in place FUCK
She has no projectiles, you have no projectiles. You could break your polearm in half, maybe, and throw part of that--the metal at least won't shatter when struck by lightning like the wood is doing. ...But you shouldn't have to sacrifice your weapon to beat the first boss. You've beaten the first boss already--you should be better than that. Right...?
You could try having Kate set the pew chunks on fire before you throw them, but unless you've missed a mechanic you don't imagine fire would make things lightning-proof.
After a minute of tense silence, accompanied by the low roar of CONSTANT SUCKING and punctuated by occassional thunderbolts, Kate pitches:
"You gotta hit that shriveled heart, right? ...I can hit it."
"With what?," you shout back to her.
"Me," Kate replies.
"I'm not sacrificing the halberd and I'm DAMN sure not sacrificing you," you snap back, before adding "again. You've already died once because of me, and a second time I didn't directly cause but probably could've prevented. Nobody has to die!"
The wall draws nearer. You start to maneuver your way deeper into the sanctuary, toward the back--
but Kate's struggling to fly against the flow. You double back to retrieve her...
"You got any better ideas?!," she finally yells, now gripping a pew for support with her little hands. She continues, "I can do it!"
"I know you can," you huff as you start to reach for her-- "but I don't want to run the rest of this night without you. I can't beat Vainglory by myself, Kate!"
"I can make it back," she says. "I can hit the heart and blow myself back out!"
"Blow me. You're risking too much on--"
. . .
A thin, blue laser beam burns its way through the floor, blasting a small hole in the ceiling of the sanctuary. It only lasts for an instant--barely even a flash of teal before disappearing--and it happens on the other side of the room, but
"The fuck was that?," Kate asks before a perfectly warranted "HEY!"
because you are already grabbing her, and leaping over pews, and getting the fuuuck ooout as while you cannot determine the origin or nature of the lasers you can definitely hear more laser sounds and, sure enough,
You... barely, barely avoid getting hit. Or getting Kate hit.
You're not sure what prompted that. Like, at all.
Kate, wiggling free of your arms as you begin to pull yourself off the floor, is the first to notice: "...Oh, wow. It wasn't the boss doing that, was it?"
and realize that, yeah, Father Warden is dead. Poof. Gone. Laser'd to death by beams from below, RIP. Maybe for the best, since-- "THE KEY!," you realize as suddenly and as loudly as possible.
The big boss key, the one you need to exit the sanctuary at all,
toppling through the air where the boss was, into the giant laser-carved hole that now exists in the floor.
"Shit!" Kate launches, swooping into said hole--
at which point, she stops.
A deep, hearty pause. A lengthy period of just... staring down into the abyss.
"I got the key," she replies. "We should go."
And she is quick to act on that statement, practically tossing you the key as she flies for the big double doors. You chase after, only hazarding the quickest of glances back to the big sanctuary pit before asking, "What'd you see? Kate, what the hell's going on?"
You fumble a bit in your nervousness but soon get the exit open; you and Kate rush out onto the bridge, heading toward the gray garden forest type zone. You only stop to swing back and grab the toolbox before charging back outside.
As you make a run for it, though, noises behind you draw your attention backward.
You begin to notice the satellites suddenly appearing over the building you were just in.
Satellites all pointed at the building you were just in.
Satellites that are still rapidly appearing out of thin air